Summer and junk

Blink and summer break is over. And I thought I would be posting updates of the fun we had as we were having it, but I guess that was not to be.

In short--it was a lovely summer. The a/c has logged in many hours. The kids are tanner, taller and bug-bitten. The grass is drying and dying. We are ready for school to be back in session--thankfully today was the first day of school.

So now that things are kicking back into gear, it seems life is coming back in order for me personally. I indicated in an earlier post about my unique diagnosis of premenstrual dysphoric disorder, of which depression is part of the package. Whether tied together or not, I developed full-blown depression over the past couple of years. Thankfully, I am dealing with moderate depression so the medication I have been taking the past two months coupled with therapy sessions are helping me feel "normal," balanced and in control.

What seem like simple, practical tasks were difficult or impossible for me to do, such as picking up the house, be productive at work, washing dishes, take a shower, have any desire to get out of bed. I gained a lot of weight because my eating habits were trashed. I didn't care what I looked like anyway. I couldn't put the kids to bed because I didn't have the patience to deal with them if they misbehaved. I wasn't interested in playing with them or be in the moment. Even when I was in a room with others, I felt alone. I just couldn't understand how this was happening to me and I didn't know how to fix it.

Kyle did his best to help out. It took him a long time to see that something was wrong, yet it took me longer to realize just how bad it had become. How can anyone be depressed during the summer? There is no vacation just because the sun is out, I guess.

So in late June, I finally went back to see my doctor. Indeed the medication I had been on for the previous year-and-a-half lost its effectiveness or my condition evolved and wasn't meeting my new mental health needs. So she prescribed me something else and we discussed other options such as therapy. I was hesitant to seek therapy again, since my initial consult back in '08 was so disappointing. I didn't want to consult with other therapists who also felt I just had to get my shit together (like the initial psychologist more or less said to me).

Yet, it seemed that the medication alone was not going to help me move forward. So I did some more research and found a therapist who seems to be a very good fit. It's amazing what I've been able to accomplish since working with her in such short time. I always leave with one new goal in mind to address for the week and these goals have been building upon eachother such that I'm in a much better place now.

So yeah, things are looking up. I'm excited and hopeful for the next day, week and year(s).

Thanks for sticking around. I'll do my best to get back into blogging mode for you.